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The Inner Blade
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Below are the 5 most recent journal entries recorded in Courtney's LiveJournal:

Thursday, April 30th, 2009
10:19 pm
Please don't tell.......
As my new job goes on. I stare into the blank space infront of me. Is this what I have become? Only one reason lays deep inside my mind as to why I bother to wake up everyday at 7am. Doug, and friday it happened. Doug is one of the trainers that I have. We get along well I suppose and we have these cute little nicknames for eachother (I know make me fucking puke right?). Still he is a great guy. Tall, and looks like hes a 1950s model. Hes so handsome. I work 8 till 5, and he comes in after lunch around 1. I look for him to come in, and its amazing how beautiful he looks. As my other trainers were all talking to us about our job, I noticed Doug standing in front of me. I looked up and he was staring at me. I blushed of course and looked back down. I looked up again and there he was. The biggest smile on his face, smiling at me. I again looked down laughing now at how amazing beautiful I thought he was. I glanced up one last time and we stared at eachother for a good 10 seconds. His eyes pierced through mine as though darts from the heavens were tormenting me pinch by pinch. I am not allowed to date trainers, coworkers, anyone.

330 came around and we all spilt into groups. Guess whos group I was in? Doug's. The 7 of us went into a dark room named "Silver". We all sat there and talked with Doug about how everything was going. We then all left and came to find out that we were being called into the room one by one. I was the last person called in. I sat down in the room and Doug walked in. I had noticed that he was sitting away from everyone turning all the other "meetings" but he sat right next to me. He sat down.....

"Hows everything going court?"
"Good I suppose " (I then went on for a while)
"Well do you have any questions for me?"
(I breathed deep). "I just wish that you weren't my coworker". I looked up and he was staring into my eyes. I felt my legs start to shake. I felt his eyes pierce through me once again.

"I know what you mean" he said as he glanced down. He then looked back up and placed his hand on mine.
"Please don't tell" he said. He leaned in and kissed me. He pulled back and brushed the hair from my eyes. His eyes stared me down again. He held my hand as I sighed. I looked back into his eyes. I looked at his mouth as he was breathing inches from me. He took my chin and pulled it up. I stared into his eyes. I took my hands and placed them around his face. "Please don't tell" I replied as I brought him closer and kissed him. His lips were like those of a teenagers first. The anticipation, the way it felt. We kissed for 5 minutes. When we stopped we caught our breath. We got up holding hands, and walked to the door. I reached for the knob and he stopped me. He pressed me up against the door one last time and kissed me with an intense passion. "Promise?" he said as I began to open the door. "Promise" I replied.

Current Mood: groggy
Saturday, April 4th, 2009
7:39 pm
Everyday Gone By.....
I've been dating Kaputo for a little over 3 months now. I am very much crazy over him, and I find everything about him to be wonderful. We get along so well, and I lost my self to him. I look into his eyes and realize I am in crazy for him. Yet, in the mist of all of that. Davious. I have known davious for almost a year. We got together the first night we met. We have everything in common, but refused to be in a relationship due to the fact that he is moving back to arizona in june. Davious and Kaputo are best friends, and when My boyfriend Kap went on vacation in January, Davious and I hung out. We ended up sleeping together, and promised not to tell kaputo. Since then things b/w Davious and I have been off. We are so crazy about eachother, but with him moving, and me being with Kap, we really can't say anything. We finally had a talk online and decided that it would be best to just be friends, and not say anything. Since then we have hung out once with Kaputo as well. Davious and I were looking at eachother, but not saying much. Then came this past weekend.

Quinn and I Went over to Davious's. We hung out with him and his friends and went for a walk. Drunk, we all were hanging out in his room. Davious and I got into a play fight, and were laughing. We are so crazy together. We were all chilling. Davious and I were laying next to eachother, when it happened. We reached for eachothers hands. We looked into eachothers eyes, and I knew what was coming next. He took my hand and kissed it. He sucked on each one of my fingers, and I kissed his hand and did the same to him. He said "I'll be back" and waved for me to come along. We went into the bathroom. As I turned around, he placed his hands on my hips and kissed me. He closed the bathroom door, and in the dark we were kissing. He took off my shirt as I took off his. We then slid off eachother clothes. We both knew that we couldn't have sex, but something had to be done. We stopped kissing and just placed our heads together breathing deep. As he slid off my panties he sighed "Fuck". He took my legs and placed me on the counter. My head bashed against the mirror as he went down on me. He was eating me out for around 5 minutes when I told him to stop. He stopped as I caught my breath... "Do you want me to?", I asked him. "Yes". He replied. I got on my knees and gave him a blow job for 5 minutes before he came in my mouth. After that we got dressed. We looked into eachothers eyes and walked out of the bathroom together. I cracked a joke to lighten the mood. We fell asleep together in the same bed, but I could tell that as we were looking in opposite directions, like last time, our eyes were open the whole night.

Current Mood: guilty
Sunday, October 19th, 2008
4:29 am
for those who need or want to know

Severus is here. He's alive. He hasn't woken up yet but it's only been a few hours. Rodolphus is here. He's helping.

I don't feel like sending an owl right now so Blaise if you could do us a favour. Inform Dumbledore that Severus won't be returning to work. Don't need to specify if that means ever or for the time being. I don't know either. Don't have to say where he is or who told you. Better if you don't I think. If you have little choice but to answer say that I communicated it to you I suppose.

Stay at Hogwarts, Draco. Don't even leave the building. I'll either go to you or send you an owl. I didn't tell you enough when you were growing up because it never felt like the Dark Lord would return soon. I'm sorry I doubted, my Lord. I didn't do enough to show my son what you are and I think that's why he was so disrespectful, because he's not as informed as he should be. My father certainly made it clear.

I don't want to be bothered right now unless you want to send me supplies to restock the potions I had to use today. That would be appreciated.

Karkaroff, if you come here after Severus for any reason, I will kill you. Or Rodolphus will. I don't think our Lord cares if you live.
Tuesday, September 30th, 2008
7:27 pm
"And She Was Gone"
By Ginger Foutley
from the season 3 episode

She chose to walk alone
Though others wondered why
Refused to look before her,
Kept eyes cast upwards,
Towards the sky.

She didn't have companions
No need for earthly things.
Only wanted freedom,
From what she felt were
Puppet strings.

She longed to be a bird. That she might fly away.
She pitied every blade of grass
For planted they would stay.

She longed to be a flame,
That brightly danced alone.
Felt jealous of the steam
That made the air its only home.

Some say she wished too hard.
Some say she wished too long.
But we awoke one autumn day
To find that she was gone.

Some say she wished too hard.
Some say she wished too long.
But we awoke one autumn day
To find that she was gone.

The trees, they say stood witness.
The sky refused to tell.
But someone who had seen it said
The story played out well.

She spread her arms out wide.
Breathed in the break of dawn.
She just let go of all she held...

And then she was gone.

Current Mood: bitchy
Monday, September 29th, 2008
6:20 pm
Twisted inside.
I can't believe all of what is happening right now.
After my father passed away two weeks back, I've found it hard to live. My mom is constantly riding my ass about joining something meaningful. She keeps telling me that I have to fight to survive. She also wants me to quit my job working at Hot Topic. What the fuck is her problem anyway? So I'm not this preppy mother fucker that cares about having a top knotch car, or lots of money. The point is that I have a job. She just pretends to be upset that her husband died. She has already gone on another date. I fucking hate the stupid wench. Shes sooo upset over her husbands death...She recieved over 200 thousand dollars, and has spent most of it on this new guy that shes date. Have I told you guys that hes around my age? Shes 56 and he...he is 23. What the fuck is her problem? I don't even give a fuck. I just want to fucking stab my own mother. How horrible is that? What a feeling.

Went to archery practice last night. That went well. Chris ignored me as usual. Some brother huh? Go figure that he is falling in love with the stupidest girl in his highschool. Some preppy mother fucker, American Eagle wearing cock sucker. She can fornicate her self with a bladed tounge. Bitch. All alone I'm just looking to find some new friends. Stephanie is going through one of her usual "I have no son" stages again. Serves her right for giving birth at 16. Stupid bitch. Now that her son is old enough to tell her off, and her boyfriend just left her, I'm the only one for her. Idiots. I live around, and with...idiots.

Current Mood: angry
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